just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
