but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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