My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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