a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
