Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
