In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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