I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize