Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
