Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
