so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My life is pants optional.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
