remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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