i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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