im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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