Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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