trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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