Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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