I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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