I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
