He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
