We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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