just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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