Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
