i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
