I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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