oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
