Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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