So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
