Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize