What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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