we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
