from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
