just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
