Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
