I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
