the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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