were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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