He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
