I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
