Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
