loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
