I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
