My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
