I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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