I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize