do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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