Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize