God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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