My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
