Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
