My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
