Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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