My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize