One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
