please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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