Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
