i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
