I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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