you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You've changed since you got that strap on
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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