So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
