I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
false alarm, still single
Randomize
