Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
please don't ironically join a cult
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