...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You made out with two different species that night
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
