Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
