i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
