wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
