Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
