I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
