community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
