shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
