okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize