Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize