I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
