Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
