she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
