Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
