Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
