Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
