There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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