So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
