i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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