I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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