I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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