I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
