I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
