Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
