Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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