My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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