she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
