At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
