im holly from the hills drunk
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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