One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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