so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
