You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
