Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
