God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize