I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Couch. On fire.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
