i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
