so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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